Solo Travel: Why It's the Best Thing Since Sliced Bread

Speaker A: 00:00:02

Is there anything more main character energy than traveling alone? Welcome back to All About Being Single or welcome if you're new here. I'm your host, Wioleta. I'm happy that you're here.

If you've listened to any of my episodes before, I know a recurring theme for me is talking about solo trips and that's for a good reason. So today I thought we would dive into talking about solo trips.

And this is actually gonna be the first episode of a series of episodes regarding solo trips. Solo trips are definitely like my favorite hobby slash solo activity slash life improvement hack slash confidence booster slash all.

Basically all the good things about being single or at least finding all the good things about being solo. And I actually just recently booked my next solo trip. Last year I did a lot of like trips with other people.

So this year I'm like, okay, I definitely got to get at least two solo trips by myself. Obviously by myself. So it's called the solo trip. But yeah, I haven't had one since Nashville, which was I think February or March of last year.

So it's been a very long time. So I've been craving one. So I'm taking one in April by myself and I'm going to Louisville, Kentucky. I'm super excited.

I've never been to Kentucky, I don't think at least. And if I have been, it's been with somebody else. So like an ax of mine. So that doesn't count or we're gonna pretend it doesn't count.

And what was even nicer is for this trip I was actually able to book the two night hotel stay for points and I was also able to book the flight back for points. And the flight there I literally hunted down for like a good price for like a month and a half and finally got a good price on it.

And even the ticket for the concert because that's actually where I'm going therefore as a concert even that was super cheap. But back on topic, my very first solo trip was for my birthday. My 31st was for my 35th birthday birthday.

And it was a long weekend in New York City, which I actually like to call and refer to as Big Chicago. And at that point I've been wanting to like go back to New York City. Cuz I actually flew in to New York City when we moved here from Poland.

But we didn't like really go and explore the city. So it's, you know, just. That was like the one and only time I've been out there. I've been to like New York State but just not New York City again.

So I've been wanting to go back out there for so long. I actually had two plans to go out there in the past. And this is.

I definitely truly believe in like signs and the universe or God showing whatever you believe in, showing you signs. Because the very first time I was supposed to go to New York City was supposed to be for my 30th birthday with one of my exes, let's call him Nick.

And I've probably referred to him before and I don't know what name I gave him before on this part, but it doesn't matter. I was supposed to go with him on my 30th birthday and by then I knew I was going to be breaking up with him. Like I was just kind of getting a.

Trying to figure out where I was going to live honestly within like the last couple of weeks of right before I broke up with him and for the very last time.

And so I was very like kept asking me for going to New York City for my birthday and I was just, I was just being very vague with him cuz again I knew I was going to go with him even though I wanted to go so badly.

And honestly I think from what I remember at least there were parts of me that kind of thought oh my God, do I just like go on this trip with him because I really want to go to New York City and then break up with him.

But I also knew I couldn't enter the best so far decade of my life that my 30s being with him and going to on this trip that like, you know, could mean a lot to me with this person that was cheating on me constantly. But that wasn't the only time I was supposed to go to New York City with a guy actually.

So the second time was with my, another ex of mine, we're going to call this guy Nate. And. And I was like 33 or 34ish, I don't remember at this point.

But the pandemic was going on and this is like once, you know, they started like opening travel up and whatnot and I was like, we were supposed to go and we like kept thinking about it but then we would have to be like wearing masks like the entire time. And because again I wanted to go to New York City so much.

I was just like this is going to be so stupid if I go to this city that I really want to go to and I have to wear a mask and like I have to wear a mask for all the pictures and, and So I was also yet again on the fence about going to New York City. So it's like New York City fucking saved me, I swear to God. Like, and again, sometimes I do call it Big Chicago.

And now as I'm saying this, I'm like, I apologize to you, nyc, because my God, in a sense, you have saved me. But yeah, so like, I was just like going back and forth, very vague.

Not vague with him necessarily, but just going back and forth, if that even makes sense. And we decided, I think I was the one who was like, well, I don't know if I want to go there with the masks and whatnot.

And sure enough of that, broke up with me not long after. And I'm so glad I didn't go there with either one of them. And then third time is a charm. And this is also how New York City saved me.

Because the very first solo trip I decided to take, being 35, is going to New York City. And it has changed my life.

I didn't know a solo trip could be so pleasurable, could be so much fun, could be so much better than traveling with other people, that it could be the best thing I've ever, ever literally done for myself.

And I don't want to just say while being solo just in my life, it's probably, I obviously can't say it's the best thing that's ever happened to me because there's obviously so many other good things that have happened in my life. So I don't want to say it's the best thing, but it is top five best things I've ever done thus far in my life is take that first solo trip.

And the fact that for me, the fact that it was to this place that I just wanted to go to so bad for so long and all the signs were there that my exes were the wrong exes for me because these trips with them kept falling through.

And then when I did, finally when I was able to go, it was just such a, again, life changing, eye opening, like a reformative trip and reflective and you know, just like the first time I visited New York City when we came here, truly just completely changing my life but in a different way than by, you know, moving to the U.S. it was just me moving into this like very happy era of being single. And I did so many cool things and like I talked to so many strangers. I loved walking on the Brooklyn Bridge, I loved actually being in Brooklyn.

And the next time I go, I would like to spend more time in Brooklyn because most of My time was spent in Manhattan. You know, I did Central Park. I was there again for my actual birthday.

So like one of the cafes outside of Central Park, I got like a couple of drinks and it was just like a couple like wine glasses and was just like reading a book. And when they found out it's my birthday, they like bought me, I think it was cheesecake, some kind of pastry.

Like the place, you know, the place I was at just gave me a free one. I got hit on by men. I did whatever I wanted to do. I took my sweetest fucking time. It was just such an incredible experience.

Like, I, I'm just so thankful and grateful that I actually decided to do that on my own. And it has changed my life completely.

And so again, I want to focus on the next few episodes, talking about what it means to go on solo trips, you know, how to do it best. Based on my own previous experience, you know, some pros and cons, obviously, you know, I'm all about the pros and cons.

Um, but just, I really want to, like, I cannot cover this all in one episode because it would be just too long.

And I, I, I do really want to share all the things that I've learned throughout all of this time because now I've obviously gotten other solo trips and I just, I just want to share that experience with you because I hope that it can help you, especially if you've never taken one before.

I hope that it can allow you to get outside your comfort zone in that specific way and take it because I truly believe it is a life changing experience and it shifts something in a single person's life, especially if you're unhappy single, it shifts something for you. So I hope that you do that.

And for those of you who have been on solo trips, I still hope that you'll take some stuff away and I hope that maybe you can send us a voicemail, go to all about being Single.com and you can drop us a voicemail and give me any other tips that you have that I will forget to maybe give on here or, you know, anything that you can give the other listeners as far as any insider advice on how to solo travel. Also, if you haven't already, please follow or subscribe to this show wherever you're listening so you don't miss any future episodes.

And again, the next few episodes will be about solo travel. So let's talk about some pros of solo travel.

Again, that main character energy, I do truly believe it builds competence, you know, because you're navigating airports, public transport, sometimes unexpected problems, asking for help, asking for directions, you know, maybe missing a train, having to reroute yourself, just navigating the city, whether it's during the day or at night, obviously always be safe. I do believe that it helps you trust yourself more. All of those things just help build that competence.

And not just about being single, but just your life in general. Just helps to build on some skills. There's no compromise on anything. Where to eat, no adjusting your schedule.

You can do what you want to do and only what you want to do. You don't have to do what you don't want to do at all. You're not waiting on anyone. You're not having someone wait on you.

Like, I like to take my sweet time. But then I know some people in my life that take even longer of a sweet time than I do.

There's basically no negotiating on anything, you know, no negotiating what museum you want to go to or how long you want to spend at the museum. You can wake up whenever you want to. You can change plans whenever you want to. You can spend your money however you want to. You can eat whatever.

And whenever you want to. It forces you to confront, like, little things that I think people think that you have to do on a vacation.

Like, for example, I like just walking around the city and going into whatever lunch place that I kind of see fit as I'm walking around the city. But some people like to have the lunch plans planned.

And I've learned that I actually, instead of, like, looking up places and trying to see which ones are recommended most, I like to just pop in wherever I want to go to or ask a local, for example. So it basically helps you to, like, confront. Like, what do I actually like? Do I like museums or do I go?

Because it's something people just do on vacation. Do I prefer slow mornings on vacation, or do I prefer packed itineraries?

And it's hard to decide all those things if you've only ever traveled with other people, because you always have had to compromise. I truly believe you come back different. It's kind of hard to put it into words, but I do think you come back more confident.

I think it strengthens your relationships with yourself because you're kind of forced to be like your own entertainer, your own companion, your own decision maker, your own comfort source. I think it gives you more financial clarity too, like what you're willing to spend on what experiences you become more approachable.

You can talk to locals and or people at the bar. You know, people at the restaurant you're going to, you can meet other singles.

Actually, you know, whether it's travelers or locals, I think you're more likely to start a conversation with those singles or even coupled up people, you know, it doesn't have to be just singles, but what I'm saying is you're just more spontaneous to random connections, essentially. I think there's more time for like a deeper reflection time.

Whether it's like on the train, you can process some life decisions, maybe some what ifs in life, maybe where you're going in life. You can reflect on past relationships. You know, you can reflect on what it is that you want out of life.

You know, you have that time to like, just journal instead of like being at home, being at work, all of that stuff.

It's almost just like more forced alone time, which helps you get yourself out of your comfort zone and become more present and just more observant of like, your surroundings. You can listen more to your surroundings, you can feel your environment more fully because it is just you.

And you're not managing anybody's mood or plans. Especially if plans don't go well and you're with somebody, maybe this is like the first time you're going on a trip with a boyfriend or girlfriend.

And. And I always do say you should actually go on a trip with somebody that you're dating to see who they really are.

But yeah, what if they don't do well with things going wrong and you're trying to like, manage somebody's mood?

I think going on these trips also helps you prove that you're capable of anything on your own, that you can handle life and new situations and just being out of your comfort zone on your own. And that actually helps you reduce desperation in dating a lot too. Now let's get down to the cons. There are none. Just kidding. There are some.

So definitely the fact that you have to fund it yourself. You know, there's nobody to split costs with. You know, hotels, ubers. There's no like discount on a hotel room if it's just one person versus two.

I think also the first time or the first few times that you do it, it might feel awkward or even terrifying. It can get lonely. There are going to be, most likely or might be. Obviously everybody's a little different.

Just some moments you think, oh, I wish I was here with somebody else, or I wish somebody else was here to witness this or experience this or laugh about this with me or see it with me. I definitely think if the trip is Longer, you know, these thoughts can kind of creep in more.

And even when you come back, it's like there's no shared moments, you know, you can't really talk about and reminisce over the years about these things. I guess another negative is everything is a you decision, right? So every decision, every mistake, every flight missed.

I hope there's no flights missed. But you know what I'm saying, if you get lost, you have to find your way. If you get sick on the trip, you have to handle it. But you know what?

These are all things that you're already handling by yourself too at home.

So to me, this is just doing the same stuff, but elsewhere, I think, especially for women, definitely some safety concerns, you know, so as women, and I'm not saying men don't have to, I'm just saying women have to do this more.

Just having to be more hyper aware, you know, planning more carefully watch our belongings, avoid being out at night if you're able to maybe even avoid certain areas altogether, whether it's daylight or nighttime. Also you have to carry all the belongings yourself.

There's really no like built in photographer, you know, so you might have to settle for like trying to figure out how to do some awkward selfies or place a tripod someplace or ask strangers. But then sometimes you might get like bad pictures from them.

I remember when I asked somebody to take a picture for me when I was in Seattle with like, I forget what the thing is called, but like there's like this. I don't want to say monument, but it's like a thing in Seattle you take a picture of. And this woman did not even include that item in the picture.

It was stupid.

I think sometimes too, especially if you're going after like a breakup or like a loss of, you know, maybe a family member, like some of your emotions can intensify or magnify. I remember when I was in Nashville, I actually went shortly after my stepdad passed away. And I didn't plan it after that happened.

It was already planned, planned and, and I didn't want to reschedule it because I felt like I definitely after that happened, I definitely wanted to get away. And again, it was already planned.

And I was supposed to actually go to Nashville in January, but there was like a big weird winter storm in Nashville. And I think what I know they got snow, so I couldn't even go that day. So then it got rescheduled to the time I did go.

But so I went to like the Bluebird Cafe, which was amazing, was I. I was so thankful that I was able to secure a spot being there. And they set me at the bar and the musicians were just so. It was just so. The vibe just the atmosphere was so like magnetic and just. Just different.

I don't even know what word I'm trying to use here, but like, I enjoyed being in there. But I was also just so sad and I was literally.

And I was drinking and I was just crying as they were singing because I'm thinking of my stepdad and I. And obviously it was just a difficult time of my life and I was literally just sitting there, like being in this amazing place and just crying.

Like, I cried for a long time while listening to them because their music was just so beautiful and just so slow and just so, like, melodramatic. It was just. It was just a really great experience, but also a sad experience. So, yeah, going through a hard time.

You might feel just more insecure too. When you're traveling by yourself. You might sometimes even question like your life, life or its direction on a long train or like a long plane ride.

Sometimes dining alone can feel uncomfortable. And I know I've talked about it on a previous episode, but for me even.

And I've dined alone so many times now, but even now I'm used to it in a sense.

But I still get kind of nervous walking into a new place and I feel a little bit of unease when I first sit down, especially if it's more of like a sit down dinner place and there's more couples or like families out.

So yeah, like dining alone and just like doing every single, like lunch and dinner and breakfast by yourself, it can get a little lonely, you know, when you're not like at home. Well, even if you're at home can get lonely. But again, we're talking about trips here and definitely that decision fatigue, you know.

So like, you have to figure out everything, right? So you have to figure out where to go, what to eat, what to see, when to leave, when to get there, how to get there.

You know, sometimes it's just nice to say, hey, you pick.

And last but not least, you cannot share immediate joy in person, you know, so if, again, if you're at a beautiful view, there's nobody there for you to say, oh my God, it's so beautiful. And obviously you can say that to a stranger, especially if you see somebody that's out there solo.

Then again, that's like a nice conversation starter. So that can happen sometimes.

I'm just saying the times that it doesn't obviously humans are wired for shared joy and connection, so there's a little bit of that. But so my never again is never again will I be afraid to travel solo. I think once you break your cherry in solo travel, you see it's not that scary.

And it's such a peaceful way to travel. I highly recommend it. And a hill I'll die on is that solo travel is my favorite way to travel.

It doesn't mean that I don't like enjoy travel with others, because I still do. But solo travel by far is my absolute favorite.

And maybe one day I'll be dating somebody who changes my mind on that and solo travel will be my second favorite way to travel. But so far, definitely my favorite and my no luck to stand on today.

If there's anybody in your life that's married or coupled up, if they tell you that it's sad to travel solo, I think they're just a sad individual. And I bet you they've never taken a solo trip. Clearly. And I don't listen to advice from people who haven't been where I'm going.

And I mean that both in life and in travel destinations. And I hope you don't either. Now let's get down to our note to self.

For those of you who are new here, this is just usually like a little reflection that I give you guys before we do a little dance segment. So I will just propose some kind of a question. And you know, if you want to write it down someplace, it doesn't even have to be like a journal.

It could be like a receipt of some sort. Or if you want to answer it out loud to yourself, maybe voice note yourself.

Or better yet, voice note me at all about being Single.com so I can share that on a future episode that'd be even better. And then as you're thinking about it, I do believe in dancing every day, so especially part of a little break within the episode. I do dance.

So you'll have about like 30ish seconds to come up with your answer. Or just dance with me if you're able to, and then come back to that question later. So here it is for this week.

If you haven't taken a solo trip yet, what's really stopping you? And if you have, what almost stopped you the first time. On. Foreign. Okay, I'm back.

So for me, my very first trip I remember what almost stopped me is definitely the expenses because it was New York City, obviously, so pretty pricey and I still looked around for good deals and I was able to get to me what was a good deal in New York City for like a hotel. But it was still a lot more expensive than what what I'm used to paying even now at other places especially because it was like a weekend trip.

So obviously the weekend trips are usually more expensive as far as hotels go. At least flights usually pretty decent on Saturdays. But that wasn't just the only thing.

The other thing was that was stopping me is just what people would say about me spending my birthday alone and on top of that traveling alone. So I definitely had a lot of reservations regarding like what other people thought. And now I'm like three and a half years after that.

But point and I don't give a what other people think. I'm going to leave you with this. This is the glow up.

So for this week, if you've never been on a solo trip, plan maybe like a half day or a full day kind of a solo adventure in your city or like a neighboring city that you can do within the next like three months. Figure out what activities you want to do. Just something you normally wouldn't do by yourself.

So it's a mini version of solo travel, just like a little exposure therapy and better if your solo pockets are tight right now. That was a little dad joke. And if you've already traveled solo, you know what to do. Just plan your next solo vacation.

I'm going to leave you with this. I don't think you've ever fully lived your life until you have traveled solo. I thank you so, so much for listening. Listening.

I hope you have a great rest of your day. As always, even if you're late, you're right on time. And I hope that this is starting to become your space, your era and your community.

I will talk to you next Tuesday.