Solitude vs. Isolation | When to Stay Home and When To Go Out as a Single Person | Episode 45

Speaker A: 00:00:05

When was the last time you almost stayed home? But we're glad you didn't. Hi. Welcome back. Or welcome. If you're new here. I'm your host, Wioleta, and this is all about being single today.

I want to talk about making plans and keeping plans or reaching out to friends and just staying social while you're single. So this past week, I actually. I took off of work, and I was supposed to work on the house to just try to finish it up as much as I could.

But I've been going so hard for, like, months on end that I also. I also knew I needed a break. And my sister was in town from la, and so she kept on, like, inviting me out to do things.

And sometimes I said yes, sometimes I said no, but basically I saw her, like, every other day. And I'm so glad that, you know, I said yes to hanging out most of the days, especially the fourth of July. Her fiance's family was having a.

A party for the fourth of July. And I know, obviously him, I know his brother, but I haven't met the rest of the family.

So it was very nice to go over there and hang out with everybody and meet everybody. And it ended up just being such a really fun time in general. And I almost didn't go because it was like an hour and a half away from where I live.

It was in Indiana. And I.

That morning I, like, woke up and I was planning on just working in the house, but again, because I've been going so hard for so long, it's like.

And there were so many weekends where I was just constantly working on the bathroom, like, tearing stuff out, putting stuff in, doing all, you know, doing everything that I needed to do for the remodel. And lately I, like, it's like, almost like, averse to just finishing it.

And I only have, like, maybe 10 tasks left to do, such as, like, repaint some stuff. Once the vanity gets put in, I gotta put the backsplash in. I gotta paint and then put up, like, the baseboard.

So there's still things that I need to do, like caulk, do all the caulking inside the bathtub, you know, buy the tiles, buy by the baseboards. Like, so there's still a lot of stuff to do. But it's also, like, most of them are, like, things that I.

What I now consider as, like, smaller projects. And that's crazy to even consider that a smaller project. But, like, I know that when I'm grouting, like, that's.

That's a big project, I know it's going to take a long time, and you have to do it all at once, you know? And, like, so now I think some of the stuff I'm just kind of, like, doing one by one. And so she invited me to their party.

I think it was on the third. She's like, hey, just so you know. You know, people's families are coming, so come by.

And normally I don't do things on such a short notice, but on the 4th, I wake up, I, like, start working on the bathroom. And I did a few things. Actually, I didn't even work on the bathroom. There's also a few projects that I have to finish up downstairs.

So I think I caulked, like, by the kitchen cabinets. I got the kitchen cabinets ready. There's one kitchen cabinet that I have to repaint.

And since I'm already painting, like, the range hood, the DIY cover that I have, I kind of might as well just, like, finish that up as well. And then I caulked a couple more pieces.

I have, like, a wallpaper that I actually had to cut because part of it was, like, sticking out from the wall, and you could see it on the other side. So anyhow, I did those things, and then I was like, you know what? Let me think. Let me take a shower.

Maybe I'll go and actually go to the 4th of July party. And I ended up going back and forth thinking, okay, I'm tired, but.

But also, like, if I don't go, I think because there is still so much left to do, but also a little left to do of the house.

And, okay, I'm gonna feel like I just need to get the stuff done for the house because I didn't get as much done throughout the whole week because I just spent so much time with my family, again with my sister being back some days just with her, some days with, you know, the rest of my family. So I was like, you know what? No, I did enough today. I did a few things. I deserve to just go out.

And then some of the other days, I just stayed at my house because I also have to protect the time to work on my house, you know, because I made a promise to myself to finally finish these, like, projects, and I'm not gonna be done this week.

And once the week started and I. I realized, A, I'm moving much slower now, now that the bulk of things is done, B, there's just still, again, quite a decent amount of things left to do, but I'm like, okay, so now my new end date is of July and I think that's doable. Yay. Yay. And I have somebody coming in to put in the vanity this week, which will also.

Because I, I'm also waiting on to do some stuff like to do some stuff like repaint the two walls in the bathroom once the vanity is put in actually. But so yeah, I had some days where I worked in the house and then the afternoon just kind of hung out by myself, had some quiet days.

So it wasn't all or nothing. And that's a long winded way of saying I just think that there's a difference between solitude and isolation.

You know, solitude is choosing to spend time alone because it fills you up and, or maybe it helps you work towards your goals.

And isolation is really just staying home because it's easier because you're anxious, because you're in a rut, or because you've just convinced yourself nothing interesting will happen.

And I think as somebody who's single, I think it's easy for us to slip into isolation without realizing it because no one is naturally like pulling us out of the house again.

That might be different if you're single, maybe in your like early 20s, but like I would say late 20s, 30s, you know, most people are coupled up, most people are in relationships and you know, it's not like you have as much time with your friends as you did when you were younger. So most people aren't really asking to hang out all the time.

So if you're single and no one is automatically planning your weekends, you know, that means you have to become the person who sticks, says yes to invitations or creates their own invitations, creates plans, reaches out first sometimes. Obviously not if it's you're constantly reaching out first. That's, you know, different conversation.

But community doesn't usually happen just by accident. Sometimes it does, but I think that sometimes we have to be the ones who either start it or get ourselves out of the house.

You know, and on the days maybe you're down, you know, even just taking a walk.

So it might not even be going out to be with people, but at least going outside and you know, you'll at least pay, least pass by some people as you're walking outside. So a hill I'll die on is that staying home is sometimes self care and it's needed and I love my me time so much and I protect it so much.

But staying home all the time is often just a bad habit and my never again is, I won't ever again wait until I totally feel like it before seeing people. Honestly, some of my best memories started with me almost canceling.

Or almost, I shouldn't say almost canceling because I don't really cancel a lot cuz I think it's so rude with me almost not going or with me thinking that I'm not going to have a good time and still pushing myself to do it. And then I do end up having an even better time than I thought I would. You know, I think my no leg to stand on is really.

You know, people might think that you're sad and lonely all the time just because you're single, but I think a lot of us single people do try to have such a good, rich social life and I think it's so important for us to keep going out whenever we can. And it doesn't always have to be with other people. If you don't want to go out with your friends, or maybe you don't have friends, or maybe.

Or maybe don't have friends that actually want to spend time because they're so busy, whatever the case might be, then just taking yourself out, you know, maybe going to a coffee shop, journaling when you're at a coffee shop, or reading a book or working on something, whatever it is that you want to do.

But you know, maybe going on a walk outside or going on a hike, going on a little solo trip, just doing things outside instead of just being at home by yourself. And so our glow up for today. We're gonna skip the note to self today.

So your glow up for today is just accept one invitation this week or if no one's inviting you, maybe either be the one who sends a text or maybe find something to do on like meetup. Just go do something out and about in the community. Just say yes to something.

You know, I do truly believe that a fulfilling single life isn't about being busy all the time, but it is about creating a rhythm that includes both meaningful connection and intentional time alone. Okay, that's it for today.

We did skip the dancing part because I am rushing to get this done because again, as you know, I've been behind all things the last few months trying to finish up the house. The house remodel. You should see the way that my front lawn looks. It's full of weeds everywhere.

But anyhow, like I always say, even if we're late, we're right on time. We're getting it done. So thanks so much for listening.

If this episode resonated with you, please take a moment to go and review my podcast on Apple Spotify wherever you're listening. Again, thank you so, so much for listening, and I will talk to you next Tuesday.