Dining Out Alone is Liberating | Ask for a Table, Don't Settle for Sitting at the Bar | Episode 44

Speaker A: 00:00:02

Today's question is this. Can I just get a seat at the table? Welcome back. Or welcome. If you're new here, this is all about being single. And I'm your host, Wioleta.

I'm very excited that you're here. So this might be a common experience for those of us who go out to eat by ourselves, and I'm not sure if it is.

It is also possible that men and women get treated differently in this situation.

So if you're a guy and this has happened to you, please send me a voice memo at all about being single.com and let me know if maybe you've been treated the same or differently. So I want to take myself out to breakfast. Well, technically lunch earlier today. I'm on a staycation.

I'm trying to finish the house remodel or at least, you know, get a bulk of the things done. I was supposed to be done this week or I was supposed to be finishing things up this week.

But before this launch I actually wrote down all the things I still have to do.

And it looks like it's definitely still gonna be like another month of doing little things here and there because, you know, I have a full time job, I have this podcast.

I just have so many things going on in my life anyhow, so after creating that list, I was like, okay, I just want to go and just relax because that list is still long and I'm just feeling overwhelmed. And that's again, that's been my life for the last few weeks. A few months, I'm sorry, not a few weeks.

So I decided to just get like breakfast for lunch because I haven't done that in a very long time because I've just been so busy. And some days I go out to talk to people and others.

Like today I just wanted to be alone and enjoy the piece of a meal not made by me, but kind of still be around people as well. So. And it wasn't very busy at the restaurant. And when I got there I was like, hey, you know, can I get a table for one?

And right away the hostess is like, you can grab a seat at the bar if you'd like. And I was just like, nope, I'd like to sit at a table.

And of course the table was available because, you know, normally I don't ask for a table if it is super busy at the restaurant and I'm just there by myself. You know, there's like a wait time and all of that. I don't, I, you know, reasonable. But anyhow. But even if And I don't even have to be.

I could still ask for the table when there is a huge, long line. But today I definitely just wanted to be at my own table. I didn't want anybody around me trying to talk to me. I didn't.

The way that this particular restaurant is set up, the bar, like, everybody's behind you, and I just don't. And it was very super lit. Like, it was, you know, it's a sunny day. I just. I just was not in the mood for that.

You know, it's like, I don't think they would have done that if two people had walked in or, like, four people. They wouldn't have looked at the group and been like, you know, actually, can you all just sit at the bar?

But somehow when you're by yourself, people assume you're okay with, like, the leftover option, essentially, like, okay, well, this is. This is the bar for you guys. And like, before anybody says, well, the bar is for singles, like, that's not the point.

And also, it's not just for singles. It's, you know, people can sit at the bar, obviously, also, a couple can sit at the bar.

But my point being still is they wouldn't most likely ask a couple to go sit at that bar. They only ask the singles.

And if I wanted to sit at the bar, which is clearly right there when I walk in, I would have literally been like, hey, I'm gonna go sit at the bar. Like, I specifically asked for a table for one. I didn't say, hey, it's just me.

Which I also hate saying just me, because I am a whole person, but I did specifically ask for the table. So it's like, if I specifically ask for a table, clearly I know where I want to sit. Well, now I'm getting angry about it.

But anyhow, you know, those of us who do this, sometimes we want to just spread out and read a book, maybe. Sometimes we want to journal. Sometimes we might be working on our laptop when we get there.

Sometimes we just might want to enjoy a slow breakfast without someone just walking behind us, without someone trying to talk to us, without just there being a whole restaurant behind us and just, you know, us being kind of out in the open for other people to look at us. Sometimes we don't want to be the center of attention and have a lot of noise behind us. Sometimes we want to people watch.

So sometimes we want to be the people watchers. And sometimes we just want to sit at a table because we just want to sit at a table. That should be enough.

It's courageous enough for me to walk in and want to sit by myself. And I don't think most people even realize that, especially when you do it so often and more often than you actually go out to eat with other people.

And so, like, I just think this happens to single people in a lot of little ways.

I shouldn't say little, but society sadly tells you that because we're alone, we should, like, take up less space, that we should be more flexible, that we should accept the less desirable option or even the option we didn't say we wanted, you know, just because we're single. So a hill that I'll die on is that us single people deserve to take up a table, even if it's just us. They give one to couples. Why not us?

We're still a paying customer. One person still deserves the experience that they specifically want. And again, we're paying for it.

And just like, I almost wonder how many people would have just said, okay, even though they really wanted the table. And I know I have done that before.

And sometimes I would just tell myself, you know what, it might be a good idea to just try something new, even though I really wanted to sit at a table. And this actually used to happen to me a lot of this, like, really, really good breakfast restaurant that's closest to my house.

Well, there's one that's closer to me, but I just don't like that one. But today when I was actually when I realized that I wanted breakfast food, I was like, oh, let me go there.

And then I remembered, no, they're going to ask me to sit at the bar. And I'm not in a good mood today. I'm exhausted. I'm overwhelmed from all the stuff that I've been doing.

And I'm probably going to say something shitty to them. So I was like, I'm going to try out a new restaurant that's a little bit further down. I. I've never been there.

I've wanted to try it out and of course the same thing happens.

But so, like, what that brings me to is that, like, we've been conditioned to not make a fuss, to not inconvenience anyone, to just kind of go along with it. And I don't think asking for what you know, I want is being difficult. Like, it's just self respect.

So your note to self today, and if you're just tuning in and if you've never listened to this podcast, I do a little question and I just encourage you to, you know, know, think about it, write it down, journal it, or don't do anything with it at all if you don't want to, and then we'll do a little dance break, because I love dancing, and I dance every day. So here's your question.

When have you persuaded yourself against something that you wanted and needed because someone else tried persuading you in a specific direction that was different than the. Than the one you stated you wanted? So think about that. If you don't want to, you can just dance with me. I'll put on some good music.

I'll dance to the whole song, but I'll put it on for, like, a little bit for you guys. Not as long as the actual song. And then I'll tell you my thoughts on that. Okay, we're back from our little break.

So as far as going against, you know, trying to persuade yourself into the direction that somebody else wanted you persuaded in, I've definitely done that, you know, quite often. Like, I've done that on vacations with other people.

I've done that so much, I think, just in dating, you know, and just kind of going along with what somebody else wanted, even though I really didn't want it. And, you know, just. I think there is such a thing, obviously, as compromise, but also sometimes. Sometimes you don't have to compromise.

Sometimes you can just go do the thing that you want to do.

And this might also be a little bit more common for women, because women are in our society, even though I know there's more freedoms here in the US Than there are in a lot of other countries for women still. But, like, even. Even with that, for us women, we're just very socialized.

If somebody pushes against what we want or need, instead of just kind of evaluating both equally, we are almost. We almost are socialized to, like, argue against ourselves and choose their preference.

Not because it became yours, but just because that's just kind of what society expects women to do, especially. But anyhow, going back to this, eating at a restaurant by yourself. Once she obviously told me, you know, that I can sit at the bar.

I was like, no, no, I'd still like to sit at a table. And of course she sat me at a table because obviously there were tables around. My overall takeaway is, if you want the table, ask for the table.

You know, if they try to persuade you that you don't need the table, keep asking for the goddamn table. Don't let being by yourself convince you that you should automatically accept less.

Whether it's a restaurant table, a vacation, an experience, just anything in your life. Don't shrink yourself just because you're alone. You. You deserve the same experience as everyone else.

And for me, never again will I succumb to grabbing a bar spot. If I just want to sit at a table, I'd rather go elsewhere. And I apply that philosophy to dating as well. Wink, wink.

Okay, this episode is coming to an end, so we are going to do a little glow up. And it's always my favorite part of the episode. And by the way, if anything, today resonated with you, please take a moment to review this podcast.

I really appreciate you guys reviewing this. It helps to have other people see it, especially the more, you know, reviews that I get. But anyhow, the glow up for today is this week.

Go do something that you want to do. And no matter what anybody else says, don't succumb to pressure and just do that thing. Just follow through for yourself because you deserve it. Okay?

Thanks so much for listening as always. Even if we're late or right on time. I will talk to you guys next Tuesday. Sa.