Freedom vs. Loneliness | The Single Life Dilemma | Episode 43

Speaker A: 00:00:04

What's something you love about being single and something you wish was different? Welcome back to All About Being Single. Or welcome if you're new here. I'm your host,

Wioleta. We're going to start with the no like to stand on today.

So a little bit different. Something people who haven't been single long term don't seem to understand is that being single is just full of contradictions.

And also society in general lately seems to just be so gung ho about being single being this amazing state. And it can be, don't get me wrong, for shorter periods of time, just not when you're constantly single, not when you're constantly dating.

Being thrown back into being single, dating, being thrown back, especially if you want to be in a relationship and just also not having as many close connections.

I think this world is full of people just being on their phones all the time and like, thinking that just because they're seeing people on social media, they're connected. And, you know, people who are in relationships, they spend so much time with their significant others.

And, you know, I think a lot of times in reality, I mean, say what you want to say about theory, but in reality, in real life, it just seems like most people only have enough time to like, hang out with a certain few people each week. And most of them just prioritize their, like, romantic relationships and not their friendships.

You know, especially as we're getting older, it seems like I think I'm super old, but I definitely feel like I'm very young.

But what I'm trying to say is, you know, it's a little bit different when you're like in your mid, late 30s versus, like when you were in your 20s or even like your early 30s. People just don't seem to hang out with you as often. So. So as singles, we get left behind very often.

And so, like, what's left for us is the very few people sometimes that can make time for us and also just us being on our phones, which isn't healthy. But. So let's get to the contradictions of living while single.

The longer you're single, the more you realize it's full of these seemingly contradictory experiences. And that's. That's just the reality of it. So you might love having complete freedom, but sometimes wish someone else would make a decision for once.

You might enjoy coming home to a peaceful house, but occasionally wish someone was there to ask how your day was. You love being able to spend your money however you want, but sometimes wish there was another income helping carry life's expenses.

You enjoy not having to compromise, but sometimes miss having someone to share experiences with. You feel proud of handling everything yourself, but get tired of always having to handle everything yourself.

You appreciate the quiet, but sometimes crave companionship. You love traveling solo because you can do exactly what you want, but sometimes wish you had someone to experience the memories with.

You enjoy the freedom to reinvent yourself, but sometimes wish someone knew your story without you having to explain it. You don't have relationship drama, but you also don't have relationship support.

You can prioritize yourself whenever you want, but you're no one's first priority. You enjoy having your own bed, blankets and routines, but sometimes miss physical affection.

You feel independent and capable, but still want someone not because you need them, but because you want them. Because life can be more enjoyable when shared, when you're getting all these things that you want out of life with somebody else.

Because the greatest gift of being single is freedom. The hardest part of being single is also freedom, and that's the duality of being single.

The same independence that feels empowering can sometimes feel lonely. The same freedom that feels exciting can occasionally feel exhausting.

The same peace that comes from having your own space can sometimes make you feel lonely. The mistake people make is thinking it has to be one or the other. That if you're happy being single, you can't want a relationship.

Or if you want a relationship, you must hate being single, but both can be true at the same time. You can genuinely enjoy your life and still hope to share it with someone One day We are going to do a little dance break.

I haven't done one and I think the last few episodes, but we're going to do one today, so. So go ahead and just dance. I'm not going to do a note to self in this episode, so there's no question to ponder on. Just dance with me.

You know, I believe in dancing every day. It really is such a just brings joy to my life. Every time. Okay, I'm back. So hope you guys all were able to dance with me.

And if you weren't, maybe if you like the song, go back and dance later to it. But anyhow, a hill I'll die on is that two opposite feelings can exist at the same time without canceling each other out.

And this is exactly why I created this podcast. And the reason why I still show up weekly, even on weeks when if you've been listening to the last few episodes, my life is a total. It's just.

I don't want to say it's a hot mess because I'm doing a lot of things that are improving, that are going to improve my life, but it feels just so overwhelming, and I'm just doing so much lately. But I still want to show up to this podcast because I think it's so important to put this information out there.

I'm so tired of society and just this.

I don't know, just people constantly mentioning how being single is so amazing and, you know, you can do whatever you want and you, you know, just your life is your life, and you can improve your life. And I do agree in the fact that being single is when you can work on yourself. I do truly believe that, and I do that all the time.

But also, there's obviously value in being partnered if you're in a healthy relationship or even in the bad ones. Honestly, you learn from the bad ones. Like, it's not all just amazing all the time being single.

You know, there are all these financial constraints and a lot of loneliness, and I definitely feel that loneliness a lot less nowadays because I think I'm doing more things that have more of a purpose for me and for other people. But I definitely have had my share of just going being single for years and just being lonely and unhappy about it. And, you know, I've been there.

Like, I know what that feels like.

So I'm tired of people either telling you you just have to be okay being single, then that it's totally all good and you should just be happy, even if for the rest of your life you're single. Like, when you don't want to be. Most people want to couple up.

It's just natural as we're made to want to be in relationships and want to be in connection with each other. So it's okay if you want to be partnered up. You don't have to want to be single for the rest of your life.

I think it's more biologically sound to not want to be single your whole life. So never again will I hold onto this belief that if I'm single, I must just be happy about it at all costs.

And you know that I can't not want to be single. And we're gonna go ahead and end with our glow up.

So this week, maybe take literally a few minutes, just kind of think about what's good about this era of your life, but also be honest about what you still want. And that's it. Just accept your reality as it is because it is what it is, and one day it might not be.

And if you don't want to be single for the rest of your life. I hope for you that you are going to be able to end up in good, healthy relationships either way.

As always, I want to remind you that even if we're late, we're right on time. Thank you so much for listening.

If this episode resonated with you, please take a moment right now and just share with somebody else who you think it might help. I hope you have a good rest of your day and a good rest of your week and I will talk to you next Tuesday.