How to Prioritize Yourself While Being Single | A Single Shorty

Speaker A: 00:00:02

When was the last time you felt disappointed that you weren't anyone's top priority? Maybe a friend canceled on you, Maybe they didn't share good news with you. Welcome back to All About Being Single.

I'm Wioleta, your host, and I'm here to share my lived experiences to hopefully help you navigate your single life. Let's do this, my single friend.

So last episode we did a deep dive into talking about what it's like being single and not being anybody's top priority. And no, I'm not just discussing romantic relationships, because obviously when you're single, you don't have that. But I mean, even your friendships.

But here's the thing, it doesn't have to define you. And yes, I know how much it sucks. I know how disappointing it can be. But also it can become your superpower.

So let's talk about how to bring that around. I really want to discuss more examples of how we can show up for ourselves and be our own top priority.

So just to reiterate again, last time we talked about how your friends usually have a significant other. Not usually, sometimes, obviously they don't. But let's, you know, talk about when you have a lot of coupled up friends.

And especially the older you get, the more coupled up people are. Because it's just kind of almost like the reality of life.

People get coupled up so they have their significant others, they have their other family, they have their children. And by other family, I do not mean a second life, although they also could have a second life.

They have their pets, you know, and all of those people or animals get put way above you. So a lot of their time and energy is spent on them. A lot of times you're left wondering like, where do I fit in?

And these answer really is you fit in with you. I think that can become your superpower, learning how to truly be happy on your own.

I think a lot of people don't ever become truly happy on their own. And that's a thing that you can get to. That's a self actualization that you can get to by being single. It's the only way you can honestly get there.

So let's talk about ways to get there. One, you can start your day like you matter. The first person that you give your energy to should be you.

So don't just reach for your phone to check your texts, you know, scroll on social media and be consumed by everybody else's life. The best thing you can do in the very early beginning of the day is just focus on you. Put that phone away.

What I have now is what I like to call a phone coffin that I just purchased off Amazon. It was like $30. And as soon as I feed my cat, because, let's face it, that's most important because he won't let me do anything until I feed him. But.

But once I feed him, I go back upstairs, put my phone in my little phone coffin, and I'm off of it for the first hour of the day. And it makes me so much more productive the entire day. It makes me feel better, so much better internally.

It makes me focus on my own thoughts and my own feelings in the very beginning stages of the day.

So I journal, you know, and kind of think about what I think instead of focusing on, oh, hey, did so and so text me back, or were they too busy yet again? You can cuddle a pet, you can stretch, you can breathe in and out and make coffee and just think about what your day is going to be like.

There's so many things that we can do to really put ourselves first as the day starts. Instead of wondering if somebody texted us back or going on social media and again, wondering about and thinking about other people.

First thing, while you're journaling, you can write an affirmation down, or you could write maybe a sweet little note to yourself, because again, you don't have somebody else writing sweet little notes to you. So maybe do that for yourself. I know it sounds so corny, but. But it's so nice to speak to ourselves in a kind way.

It feels good and it helps us really prioritize ourselves. Remind yourself that you're worthy of being checked in on, even if it's just by you. The next one is put yourself on the calendar.

So what I tend to do is at least once a month I have like a date night to myself. And I don't necessarily know if it's like a date night, but basically I know that I will just go out by myself and have dinner by myself or.

Or I'll go on a solo trip where then I have a bunch of dinners and lunches and whatever else by myself. But I put that on the calendar. That's time designed for me. So think of it like, when you're in a relationship, you usually schedule dates. Same thing.

Schedule those dates with yourself. Prioritize yourself and time with yourself. Don't just, you know, sit at home bored, scrolling, thinking about what your other friends are doing.

Or again, going on social media and thinking what other people are doing that you don't even know. Just take that time out for yourself. Another thing that I do is every Friday I pick up some kind of usually fast food.

Not too proud of it, but that's just my Fridays, because I'm tired from the long week, because I do work a Monday to Friday job and I pick up some shitty food, I have a nice drink or two, and I just hang out by myself and usually eat that on the bed and watch some kind of a podcast, usually cuddle with my cat if he wants to. But I no longer even think about or worry about people asking me what I'm doing on a Friday night. I don't. I absolutely don't care. That's my thing.

I just like to relax after a long week and I just like to unwind and just do my own thing on Friday nights and not worry about anybody else in this entire world. So the next one is celebrate yourself first.

So if something goes well in your life, and we talked about that in the very first single shorty episode, but basically when something goes right in your life, celebrate it by yourself first.

So journal it, write it down in a note, app your phone, toast to it, dance to it, however you want to celebrate it, but celebrate it by yourself first.

And then if you still feel like, hey, it'd be nice to maybe share that with a friend or somebody else, think of somebody that does prioritize you in some kind of a way. You know, maybe you're not their top priority, but at least somebody that does really take the time to check in with you.

And maybe that's a go to person who you can also celebrate it with. But first of all, just smile to yourself, say something nice about it to yourself. Be proud of yourself. High five your cat.

Okay, that one might be cheating a little bit because that's using somebody else, but you get the gist. You don't have to wait for somebody else's applause to validate your own wins.

However, after you celebrate it, if you still feel like this is something that's worth sharing with other people, this is like a big win for me, then go ahead and maybe share it with somebody else in your life. Or if you're feeling up for it, I'm always down to hear you guys stuff and I'd love to feature it on a future episode.

So go to all about being Single.com and send us a nice little voice memo. Okay, this one is a big one for me because I used to get so upset when somebody would cancel.

But when somebody cancels plans on you, reframe it as more of okay, cool. This sucks. So accept it. At first, this sucks.

I was planning on having good time with my friend or whoever and I was really looking forward to it, but they cancelled and there's nothing I can do about the cancellation.

And instead of feeling pity for yourself, feeling sad and disappointed and just maybe scrolling social media and just being sad about it the rest of the night, reframe it and understand that now that's time that you got back for yourself to do something positive for yourself. So if you're planning on going out someplace with your friend, just go out by yourself.

Now if you're planning on going out to dinner, going out to dinner by yourself. So don't let them canceling on you prevent you from doing something fun that night.

And I know in your 20s, if somebody cancels on you, you can probably call somebody else and other people are usually available and you can still go out. So I'm coming at it from a 30 year old perspective where I carve out time for my friends, sometimes months ahead of time.

So if somebody cancels, that's the only plans with other people that I have for that night. There's nobody I can just call on a whim and be like, hey, do you want to go hang out?

Because most of us have responsibilities and obviously if it's something important, you know, somebody I'm sure would, you know, be willing to help out. But if it's just, you know, cancel plans and also it's also kind of using other people because somebody else canceled on you.

So be okay with the cancellation, be sit with the feelings at first, obviously, you know. And I know it used to hit me super hard when somebody would cancel me. I hated that.

But now since I've gained so many hobbies, like, if somebody cancels on me now, I'm always like, okay, perfect, this is time for me to work on my podcast right now. This is time for me to create another reel for my walking club.

Like, there's always stuff that I have going on, so I just always now reframe it as, okay, that's time for me. Whether it be I need to relax and just go out and have dinner by myself, or whether I should work on a podcast or another hobby.

Another thing is expand connection. In real life, I think we're so focused on connections only existing in romantic relationships and like deep friendships.

And honestly, the more I started doing things solo, the more I started realizing how much I get from just simple interactions with random people that I meet. I like to like, when I went to Nashville by Myself back in February.

That was a great trip because I got to talk to so many men who were either married in relationships and no, not like in a weird way, like nobody was hitting on the other person. But I was able to like ask them questions about things that I want in the future.

Like they all seem to be super in love with their wives or girlfriends and so I got to ask them questions about how, why, you know, what makes them be so in love with their people and how they knew that that person was their person. And I get so much joy out of like just these simple interactions with random people that I meet nowadays.

So go out and do a solo dinner and sit at the bar and start a conversation with somebody who you see is sitting by themselves. And it doesn't have to be just for looking for a partner. I almost think it should be just for getting to know other people.

More so than finding a partner.

Ask people tell you about their story and you're going to be so surprised as to how different, but also how similar everybody is and how much knowledge and wisdom you can gain just from speaking to strangers and how much that also helps you in your single life and just your life in general and how much that helps you. I don't want to say just pass the time, but it really helps to be more connected to other people, not just the people in your current social circle.

And then another one I would say is start a self priority project. So give yourself something to grow with, whether it be maybe go get a new plant. Maybe decide to DIY something in your house if you're able to.

As in if that's your house or your condo. Maybe create a solo trip fund Again, solo trips, always such a huge win. Always recommend them to everybody. Create a blog.

I mean start something that will help you channel some of the feelings that you're feeling, especially about not being prioritized. So make yourself a top priority and make maybe a project a top priority for yourself or a pet. Make that a top priority.

I think it becomes a tangible reminder of I'm putting myself first and I'm putting my own hobbies and needs first. So it's okay if other people don't put me first. And now for the note to self. What would it look like if I truly treated myself as my top priority?

Not just in theory, but also in practice. So think on that. Feel free to send in any of your answers. Go to all about being Single.com and send in your recordings.

I'd love to be able to feature them on a Future episode. Episode. And you know the drill now. We're gonna dance a little bit.

So either pause the episode, write out your answer to these to the note to self, or go ahead and dance with me and then answer that question later on. What? I mean, whatever you feel like doing, whatever your body's telling you to do right now. But let's move our bodies. Let's reflect.

Let the question settle in. Okay, we're back. So back to our note to self question. So for me, when I put myself as top priority, at least one of the.

I mean, I do so many things at this point now, but one of the things that I started doing maybe six months ago that has helped me a ton is putting my phone on do not disturb in the evenings. I used to be the person that everybody could, like, text and, you know, go to, which is fine. I still like being that person.

However, nowadays I put my phone on do not disturb in the evening, and it's just time for me. It's time for me.

Even if I'm just scrolling on my phone, I'm not looking at my texts because I, you know, so many other people are not doing that for me. They're not checking their phone to be able to respond, respond back to me. They're with their significant others. They're not paying attention to me.

And so now I also only pay attention to me and my own, which is me, my cat, and just hang out. I just hang out in the evenings.

But don't get me wrong, sometimes I will check a text if, you know, maybe I did have, like, a serious important conversation with somebody throughout the day, then I might go and check my texts.

But most of the time, it's just me hanging out with myself, making myself my top priority, making my rest and relaxation really my top priority after each productive day. If you know somebody who will benefit from hearing this episode, please take a minute right now and just share this episode with them.

I really appreciate it, and I appreciate you listening and being here with me today, too. And just keep in mind, learning to choose ourselves is something we all deserve. And every single person needs to hear this. Okay?

Your glow up challenge, always my favorite part of the episode. So this week, the glow up challenge is pretty simple. Last week, we wrote down some affirmations.

So this week, take one action that proves your affirmation from last week.

So whatever your affirmation was, think about one thing that you can do that will actually prove to your brain that you are serious about that affirmation. Affirmations mean a lot more when they're followed by action.

So if, let's say your mantra really was I'm your own top priority, show to your own self like you do to other people, that you do truly mean that. So maybe buy yourself flowers, cook yourself a nice meal. Say no to something that drains you. Don't wait for someone else to make you feel special.

Do it for yourself right now. And again, I listed quite a few different ways in which you could make yourself your top priority.

But if there's any other ones that you think are valuable and other people should hear, please email me at all about being single@gmail DM me on my account all about being single on Instagram or again you can go to my website and just at all about being Single.com and you can leave me a voice note there. I'd love to be able to share what you guys believe helps you prioritize yourselves with other people because we can all learn from each other.

Thanks for being here with me this week. I really appreciate you listening. I hope you have a great rest of the week.

This is your space, your era, your community, and I want you to always remember, even if we're late with any lesson in our life, we're right on time. Take care of yourself and I'll talk to you next Tuesday. Sam.