Solo Support | How Find Strength Within and Create a Support Network | Episode 51

Speaker A: 00:00:05

If you're single, who is actually there for you when you've had a horrible day? Hi, welcome to all about being Single. Or welcome back if you have been around. I'm your host, Wioleta.

Today I want to talk about something I think we don't talk about enough. So just learning how to support yourself when you're single.

Because when you're in a relationship, there's often this like, built in person, Someone to text when something happens, someone to come home to, someone who notices when you've had a bad day. When you're single, you don't really have that. You don't have that.

Being single has taught me that I can't always wait for someone else to make me feel better. It's almost like forced me to make sure that I really do what I can so that I do feel supported, even if it's just by myself.

Quite often I have to be the person who says, okay, that sucked. Let's. Let's go take care of myself. Let's go make myself feel better.

Maybe that means, you know, for me or for you, it might mean ordering your favorite dinner. Maybe it means going for a walk because you've just been sitting around overthinking for three hours. I've been there.

Maybe it means calling a friend or a sibling. Maybe it means putting your phone down.

Maybe it means taking a shower, getting into bed, even if it's 5pm and just deciding that tonight you don't need to solve your entire life or even solve that issue. And maybe you just want to rot. That's sometimes okay. Honestly.

Sometimes supporting yourself is just letting yourself be disappointed without turning it into a story about your entire future. And sometimes it's hard for me to do, but I do it. You know, someone you like didn't like you back sucks. That hurts.

You know, someone you were interested in going out with, cancel last minute. That sucks. I know it sucks. And it's disappointing what happens over and over. But tomorrow comes and we got to keep our hopes up.

You had a lonely Saturday night. That happens. None of those things mean that you're failing at being single or that you're failing at life.

Like, these are all valid feelings, valid emotions, valid thoughts, valid circumstances. Those are all just valid. And it sucks. It sucks that you don't have that built in support system at home. Like people who are coupled up to.

Even if that person's at home that evening, you know, you can maybe call them or text them and we. We just don't have that. You know, being independent doesn't mean that you never need anybody either.

It means that you have to learn how to take care of yourself and. And build a life where you have people that you can lean on.

So I think it really is about, like, leaning on yourself as much as you can and just kind of being your own support system. But also, we need a little bit more than that. We're social beings, so reaching out to people that you care about.

Like, I have a few siblings and friends that I go to when stuff just not going well. And, you know, some of them are better at different things. Sometimes I rely on one a little bit more than others.

Depends, you know, on what the topic is. You know, like, when I've been remodeling the house, for the most part, I've been texting one of my.

One of my good friends who is just so good at, like, not giving me advice and not making me feel like this was such a bad idea to start the whole remodel because I'm already in it and I already have to finish it. So none of that is gonna help me.

Somebody who's willing to allow me, Like, I literally text her stuff the dais, especially the days when it's really hard for me to keep going with it because it's just so overwhelming and because I'm, like, at the end of the road.

And I've been saying this for months because it literally has been months of me saying that and me thinking that I'm almost done, and I really am almost done, but compared to, you know, this having taken almost six years on and off of working on a. Months here and months there.

But, yeah, she allows me to, like, send her pictures of anything that I do that gets me closer to the end because I'm just that overwhelmed. And she's great at giving me that support. And again, sometimes it's not enough to just try to give it to yourself.

Like, yeah, I try to give myself support, obviously, with it. And every single little thing that I get done, I really, like, look at it after it's done.

And I'm just so proud of myself, and I feel so accomplished, but there's just so much to do. So, like, even little things. Well, things that seem like they're little, like, even, you know, putting up a toilet paper dispenser roll thingy.

Like, even that. Like, you know, you have to level things. You have to figure out where it's gonna go, measure things out, get the right drill bits.

You have to drill it. You have to then put it up. You have to make sure it's level. Then if it's not, then you have to kind of move some things around.

So there's just so many moving pieces. And even that, like the other day, I think spent five hours just putting stuff like that in my bathroom. And it's. It wasn't super difficult.

I've done this before. Like, I put up my mirror finally in that bathroom that I'm working on, and I put that toilet paper roll thingy, and I put the towel holder. What else?

Feel like I did something else. But anyhow, all of that stuff just took so long because, you know, you got to do all these little things to it.

So I'm glad that I have somebody who helps me and allows me to just, like, send them pictures as I'm doing it. Just to kind of keep my motivation up. Because my motivation for this housework stuff is kind of.

Well, not kind of has faded a lot over the years, but anyhow, yeah, just. It's. We don't have that built in support, but we do have to come up with ways of trying to build it for ourselves.

We definitely have to be our own support system.

And we have to be a little bit more intentional with finding other people who are also going to be our support system and people that we can lean on when we need it, when we ourselves just need to go and seek that external support. A hill that I'll die on is being single does not mean that you need to do everything alone. Yes, you're going to do most things alone.

Unfortunately, that is also hell, I'll die on most things you're going to do alone. Because we're adults. Everybody's busy. Everybody's got their own shit that they gotta take care of.

And most people just don't have that much time or effort or not effort, but energy to really go out and be helping other people do their stuff as well.

And, you know, we cannot assume that someone else will automatically be there for us, but we do have to intentionally build that support system because we don't have to do all of it by ourselves. You know, there are gonna be people who are willing to at least listen to you, who are willing to at least push you in the right direction.

And I'm very thankful for the people in my life, my sisters as well especially, you know, that really allow me to vent about it and allow me and that support that I need. Either way, you can become a pretty damn good person to come home to because you get to come home to yourself. And that's also very important.

That's also such a nice feeling that at the end of the day we also just, we do have ourselves. Okay, so my note to self today and I'm going to ask you this question, you can think on it.

Then I'm going to do my little dance break because, you know, I dance every day. I believe in the joy that dancing gives you and all the other positive things that it gives you, like just the energy boost, the motivation.

Sometimes honestly I think good songs give me a lot of motivation to keep going. But so I'm going to give you the question.

If you've never listened to this podcast before, then think about, think on it, write it down someplace or just think about it, whatever you want to do, while I give you a little 30 second break or just dance with me if you're able to, and then come back to the question later. So here's your note to self question.

If you could give yourself the same kind of support you wish a partner would give you, what would you give yourself today? Okay, let's take that break. We'll come back and I'll answer a question for myself as well.

So if I could give myself the same kind of support that I wish a partner would give me, what I would do do is I would just allow myself to break down sometimes. And I do.

And I've definitely, you know, cried a lot as I've been trying to work on this house because that has just been so overwhelming and I just allow myself to break down sometimes because that's okay. Like, honestly, with the remodel, like, I literally have been doing a lot more things in a day than some people do in a whole month.

And I get that and I understand that and it's a lot. It's very overwhelming and I would never do this again.

So for my never again, as you know, I would never again remodel a house by myself while I'm living in it. I don't even know if I would do that even if I was living with somebody else. Like I just.

Doing a remodel while you're living in a house, while you're trying to save money and well, because you don't have that money to really just hire people.

So while you're basically just trying to do what you can when you can in between like working a job and then all the other responsibilities and all the other hobbies and things you really want to be doing is a lot. So I would never again remodel a house while I'm living in it. Not a fucking chance.

Learned a good lesson here, learned a lot of skills, but I also learned a good lesson. And for the no. Like to stand on the couples that keep saying, oh, you don't need anybody. It's like, no, we all. We're all social beings.

We all need somebody. You know, the goal isn't to become so independent that you never need support. Like, again, we can give the support to ourselves as much as we can.

And I think it's a good life skill to have in general. But we also all need support from other people. It just is what it is. That's just how society is, and that's how humans were wired.

But I think the goal is also to have enough sources of support that one person isn't responsible for your. For your entire emotional existence, which is also the good thing about being single.

Through that, I think we get to learn how to be our own support system and how to find support through all kinds of sources, through friendships, through familial relationships, and not just rely on that romantic partner. Where I think a lot of people who get into a relationship, especially as you get older, they just rely only on their partner.

And then if something ever happens to that relationship, which it usually does, most relationships don't last forever. People get divorced, people get broken up with, then that person doesn't really have a support system.

And it's a lot harder to learn it, how to have one and how to be a support system to your own self, even the older you get.

So that's honestly a positive thing for us, is that we do get to learn how to truly have a good support system that's made up of A, ourselves, B, a bunch of other people. And not just putting, you know, all of it onto one person and relying on just one person. Okay, and then today's glow up. Very simple.

Stop waiting for someone to come into your life and make your life feel supported. Start supporting the life that you already have. So make the plans that you gotta make.

Get a few to do things done off your list to feel a little bit lighter, Call a friend, take yourself someplace, celebrate your own wins, Create little traditions that are yours.

Definitely have a plan of like, okay, what are some things that feel good to me if I'm really in a bad mood that I can give to myself to help myself feel better. Because your single life is in the waiting room for your real life. It is your real life. Currently, it is what it is.

Again, even if you want to be partnered up, I know I do.

At the current moment, I'm single and I have to support myself, and I have to be a little bit more intentional about also finding little bits and pieces of support from other people that are in my life that aren't a partner. Okay, that's it for today.

I thought it was gonna be a little bit of shorter of an episode than it is, but it's not, which I don't even know why I'm saying this. Doesn't really matter.

What I'm gonna say is, at the end of the day, even if we're late, like me with this finishing of this house project, remodel project, we're right on time.

And if this episode resonates with you, please take a moment just to give me a rating or a review on either Apple Podcasts or Spotify, wherever it is that you're listening. Thanks so much for listening, and I will talk to you next Tuesday. Make a life. And this sam.