Single, Petty & Thriving | Using a Little Pettiness to Lose Weight, Travel Solo & Level Up | #63

Speaker A: 00:00:04

Do it out of spite.

Hi, welcome back.

Or welcome to All About Being Single.

I'm your host, Wioleta, and I'm very excited that you're here today.

So have you ever been so tired of people making comments about your single status that you almost wanted to become ridiculously happy being single just to prove a point?

That's cool.

It still got you to your goal, which is being happy while being single, right?

Or have you maybe ever had someone break up with you and then you decided to say, fuck them, that's their loss, and then got in the best shape of your life?

Amazing.

Have you ever maybe had someone, or even lots of people reject you, you know, and it doesn't even have to be about, like, dating, but obviously could be right.

Like, you know, some of us have been rejected a lot by other people who either didn't want to date us, or once we started dating them, they ghosted us, or, you know, they just straight up told us, you know, maybe they left us for somebody else.

Like that happens, obviously.

And if you.

If you've been single on and off, you have gotten rejected, most likely, or if you've never actually been in a relationship, it's possible because you have been rejected by the people that you went after.

But again, it could also just be about maybe not getting a job that you wanted, or maybe not even getting interviews or not getting promotion, you know, whatever it be.

And so then you decided to, out of spite, become such an even greater version of you, even though you already knew you were a great version of you, but now you had even more of a reason to level up and get to a much better pool of jobs or people.

Fucking perfect.

Good for you.

And as I always say, you don't have to keep doing things out of spite the entire time, because usually once you're past a certain point, you just kind of realize that you needed that spiteful motivation to get you going and that person to reject you so that you could get to the next level of your life.

And then you do.

Then you do.

And then you wonder why you even wanted them in the first place or whatever it is that you wanted.

I have a theory, and it's a no leg to stand on.

I think in this day and age where everyone tells you to be mindful and to be Zen, I think that it's also okay to do things out of spite, despite it's something that people do feel.

And clearly it's an emotion we all have access to.

It's there for a reason.

I hope it's an emotion.

Otherwise, I'm telling you, that's not even true.

But that's.

But it is what it is.

Just sometimes doing things out of spite in your life when you're single or even if you're not, isn't a bad thing.

Sometimes we need that strong of a motivator to do something that would improve our lives in the end, you know?

So if it gets you to that goal, fucking great.

I do think that at some point you're going to drop that motivation of spite and it's just going to become part of your life and it's again, just what you needed to get you there.

You know, I remember when I. I had a boyfriend breakup with me, and at first I was just so heartbroken.

And this is in my early 30s.

I was just so heartbroken.

Probably the most.

No, definitely the most heartbroken I've ever been in my life.

And once I, like, really?

Because I'm.

I'm definitely a big griever, you know, I'll grieve whatever happened at first.

And then once I got out of that state, I was like, this guy.

I'm gonna become a better version of me.

And guess what?

I did.

I became such a better version of me.

Am I exactly where I want to be in life?

Not yet, but I'm getting there.

So let's get into, you know, and it was this guy that I thought I was gonna marry that I was gonna have kids with.

And again, I was like, in my.

Actually, I was in my, like, mid.

Almost my mid-30s.

I was like, 34.

So it's a very weird time for a woman who wants to have kids, and I don't have any kids.

And you know what people say about the stupid 35 age.

And I don't even believe that and agree with it because women can't have kids longer.

But, like, yeah, it was just so devastating.

But, yeah, out of spite, I was like, you.

And I lost all that weight that I gained when I was dating him.

It was wonderful.

It was so wonderful.

And then after a while, I just.

Again, I just don't care.

Like, now it's like, okay, I'm glad the Spide got me to the place of, like, losing the weight and feeling better and my body feeling better about my.

Myself.

But now it's like.

Like, I, you know, I don't hate him.

Like, it's just like, I kind of feel neutral about him, you know?

But I needed that motivation to get to my next level because I. I do truly believe that, like, we' different parts of our lives.

And I honestly think that it's usually something bad that happens to us that helps us to get to the next good level.

We can use that spy to make us.

To make us improve ourselves.

And so, like, let's get into the single part of this more.

There's a particular kind of motivation that comes from being single in a world that constantly reminds you that you're single.

You know, it's the people asking when or why you're single, if you're a good catch, and the friends who keep trying to set you up, or the friends who don't try to set you up, but constantly, you know, ask you why you're still single.

The people who assume you're lonely, that something must be wrong with you, or that you're just waiting for your real life to somehow, like, begin in a weird way.

And at some point, you might find yourself thinking, you know what?

Fudgeing.

Watch me.

Watch me book that vacation by myself.

Watch me do this shit.

Watch me buy that house.

Watch me go to that restaurant by myself.

Watch me build something, make more money, Create a social life that doesn't revolve around whether or not I have a partner.

Because at the end of the day, we're all here by ourselves.

And, you know, people get out of relationships all the time.

It's so important to build a life for you by you.

And, you know, sometimes maybe, just maybe a little bit of that motivation in between comes from spite.

And I just don't think that's a bad thing.

Here's what I mean.

Sometimes you need a little bit of pettiness to get yourself out of a rut.

You know, maybe someone made a comment about how you're getting older and still single, and instead of internalizing it, you decide to make the most of the life that you actually have right now.

Maybe someone assumes you can't possibly be happy without a partner, so you start saying yes to experiences that you've been putting off, and you end up having the best time of your life.

You end up being way happier than that person that has a partner.

Maybe you've been waiting for a relationship to do certain things, and suddenly you decide you're not fucking waiting anymore.

And again, usually at some point in that journey, despite disappears.

And now you're just doing those things because they're just a part of your everyday life now.

And the universe just kind of needed to bring you to get to this point with the spite leading the way, then letting the rest of you take over once you started to make these better changes in your life.

I truly believe that happens.

So a hill all, Diane, is that starting things, any kind of improvement in your life because of spite is more than okay.

But obviously, you know, you don't want to get into the bad part of this.

So, like, don't let proving people wrong become your entire reason for living.

Because eventually you do have to stop building a life to show other people what they're missing and just start building one because you actually want it.

You know, again, if that spite gets you to realize things that you actually do like and do want perfect.

But if it just makes you more hateful or just that's the only way you motivate yourself to do things, then obviously maybe we've crossed over, you know, into a weird little area.

As long as that spite can get you to that point of being where you want to be, I think that's fantastic.

Just as long as you're not spending your entire single life trying to convince coupled people that you're happy, or anybody for that matter.

You don't owe anyone any proof, proof of anything.

You don't need to post every vacation, every accomplishment, every dinner to demonstrate that you're doing just fine.

You don't need to argue with people.

You don't need to prove people wrong in any kind of way.

Sometimes the biggest win is also just enjoying your life without needing anyone to acknowledge it.

And however you get to that conclusion is however you get there, as long as you get there.

So maybe you're not doing it entirely for yourself just yet.

Maybe you're a little annoyed.

Maybe you're a little fucking petty.

Maybe you want to prove a few people are wrong.

That's okay.

Just make sure that when you get there, wherever it is that you're going, you're doing it for you in the end.

So your glow up for today is if there is an emotion that most people associate with bad, which could be spite or anger or whatever, you know, think of how you can use that negative emotion in a positive way to improve your life.

Not to overthink, not to just sit in it and stew.

Use it for exactly what that emotion was meant to do, which is to get you to change something about your life that you're complaining about or ruminating about.

Instead of taking action and using it to improve your life.

So take that action and use it to improve your life.

That's it for today.

If you haven't already, please take a moment to subscribe to the show so you don't miss any episodes.

I truly as always, appreciate that you're here.

And like I always like to say, even if we're late, we're right on time.

I hope you have a good rest of your week, and I will talk to you next Tuesday.