Creating Community for Singles: How I Conquered My Fear and Started a Walking Club
Let’s dive into the heart of this episode: the incredible benefits of starting or joining a club to expand your social circle, especially when you're single. I recently took the plunge and started my own walking club, and let me tell you, it’s been a total game-changer! We often find ourselves feeling lonely as we get older, with friends paired off and busy, but creating a space for connection can really turn things around. I share my journey, from hesitations to triumphs, and how stepping out of my comfort zone led to meeting amazing new folks who share my interests. So whether you’re thinking about joining a club or launching your own, I’m here to encourage you to take that leap—because the world is way more fun when you do it together!
The art of making friends as adults can sometimes feel like a lost cause. Let’s face it, being single in a world full of couples can feel pretty isolating, especially when your social circles shrink as time goes by. I get it—finding new connections can feel daunting. That’s why I took matters into my own hands and created a walking club. It wasn't just about getting some steps in; it was about creating a space for singles to come together, share stories, and, yes, even bond over the sheer awkwardness of being in a group of strangers. But here's the kicker: it turned out to be a fantastic way to meet new people and forge genuine connections. I talk about the initial hurdles I faced, from the fear of leading a group to the little victories of seeing members connect and form friendships. This episode is all about empowerment and stepping out of your comfort zone—because sometimes the best things happen when you take that leap of faith and just go for it. So, if you’ve been thinking about starting something new or joining a group, let this be your nudge to just do it!
Takeaways:
- Starting a walking club can be a fantastic way to meet new people and build community.
- Feeling lonely as a single person is common, especially as friends pair off and lives change.
- Creating your own group or club can be empowering and help you connect with like-minded individuals.
- Don't let fear hold you back from trying new things; stepping out of your comfort zone can lead to amazing experiences.
Transcript
When was the last time you really went out and met new people in real life?
Speaker A:Welcome back to All About Being Single.
Speaker A:I'm Violeta, your host, and I'm happy to have you here on another Tuesday.
Speaker A:So this week's episode is inspired by me starting a walking club, which is a huge personal win of mine.
Speaker A:So today I really want to share what that did for me, why I think that every single single person would benefit from either joining a club or starting their own club.
Speaker A:Let's face it, being single can feel pretty quiet, especially the older we get.
Speaker A:A lot of friends, at least for me, are paired off.
Speaker A:They mainly do things with other couples.
Speaker A:They're a couple, so they do things with their person a lot more than with anybody else.
Speaker A:So it definitely tends to feel more lonely as time goes on.
Speaker A:And as I get older, my social circle is just getting smaller and smaller.
Speaker A:And so often you'll see in the Internet how, you know, it's so hard to, like, meet people, meet new friends as you get older.
Speaker A:And while there might be some truth to it, you'll never know if you don't try.
Speaker A:But, yeah, so a lot of it is like, where do I even meet new single people, especially people that are in my age group, people that are in the same era of life that I am in, which is being single.
Speaker A:So the pain is, you know, we want connection.
Speaker A:We want to feel like we belong someplace and we want quite often.
Speaker A:And I mean, I've been there where, like, I would actually want the connection and I would want to do things more, but it would just end up being just me going out and doing things by myself.
Speaker A:And I never even really like, I've told.
Speaker A:I've had people tell me, one of my friends tell me to join meetup and for the longest time, like, I would be like, yeah, yeah, I'm going to do it.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And I would go on there every now and then, and I almost went to one rocking.
Speaker A:So, like walking with a rocking sack on the back group.
Speaker A:And then the day I was gonna go, whoever was organizing it was like, sprung upon, like, hey, we're gonna be doing donations for so and so on that day, you know, so if you wanna give me money at the event.
Speaker A:And it just felt very.
Speaker A:I'm not against donating.
Speaker A:I donate to a lot of things quite often.
Speaker A:So it's not that it just felt like my hand was being forced and that they were going to be collecting it at the event.
Speaker A:And I just, I already have a fear of being, like, in big groups and I have a fear of being seen in big groups and speaking up and stuff like that.
Speaker A:So I just didn't wanna.
Speaker A:I. I honestly didn't want to donate to that particular cause and I didn't wanna be in the middle of like everybody who's maybe donating and just feel like peer pressure to do it.
Speaker A:So I ended up being like, you know what, this is a sign that this meetup group is not for me.
Speaker A:And what I really could have done at that point is ended up going to a different meetup group or searching something else.
Speaker A:And I didn't.
Speaker A:I was just kind of turned off by that idea.
Speaker A:And then for a few months I didn't do anything else with it until I decided to create my own walking club.
Speaker A:So now I run that.
Speaker A:But yeah, so I think I'm in this era of my life right now where like, I really am focusing more on building friendships and focusing more on building a community and focusing more on hobbies than focusing on finding a romantic partner.
Speaker A:Like, I know I'm definitely not looking.
Speaker A:I'm doing therapy right now, which I feel like I don't even know who I am currently because I'm in that unraveling phase in therapy.
Speaker A:And I think I realized through this that I am more of a leader.
Speaker A:I'm not a big follower.
Speaker A:And that's always been the case.
Speaker A:I've always been like that.
Speaker A:And I think maybe I just needed something to push me forward, something to give me the chance to be the leader.
Speaker A:And me starting this walking club has really made me feel like I'm getting to work on these skills that I have kind of put away, put aside, hidden for a little bit and kept small.
Speaker A:And so not only am I getting to really connect other people, and that's the thing.
Speaker A:It's like I feel like through my walking club there's people that are connecting with each other and I'm just so happy.
Speaker A:It makes me so happy, happy to see these people connecting with each other.
Speaker A:And it's so nice for me to also be getting to know all these cool people that have these cool hobbies.
Speaker A:Like one of the guys in our walking club.
Speaker A:And I don't want to like give a.
Speaker A:Give you his name just in case he doesn't want for me to share that.
Speaker A:But he does like geocaching.
Speaker A:And I honestly can't even do a great job explaining what it is.
Speaker A:But like, I know that he does that quite often and he's going to like a tournament for that.
Speaker A:That's like a nine hour hiking thing and.
Speaker A:And he does that so often.
Speaker A:And it's just so cool that I'm getting to know all these people that do all these cool things, that have all these different jobs, work in different industries, have lived in other countries, traveled to other countries, have been doing things solo or do things with other groups.
Speaker A:And it's just so cool to.
Speaker A:To finally be expanding my community beyond just those people that I met, you know, 20 years ago.
Speaker A:And I'm.
Speaker A:Obviously, it's great.
Speaker A:I'm so happy and thankful that I have so many people in my life who I've had for so long.
Speaker A:But there's also something to be said about maybe keeping yourself in a space because you're too afraid to go out there and meet more people.
Speaker A:And I've been doing that when I, like, go on my solo trips and stuff.
Speaker A:But this is different.
Speaker A:This feels different because I'm actually getting to know people more because I'm seeing them every week or every other week at the walking club.
Speaker A:And it just.
Speaker A:It feels so nice to be expanding my community in that way and getting to know more people again who are in my era of life.
Speaker A:My hill I'll die on today is really the fact that sometimes the things that scare you the most, like for example, literally me, for me, just starting this walking club, I had no idea how to run a meetup group.
Speaker A:I had no idea how to run a club that's just full of strangers.
Speaker A:I've never done this in my life, and I didn't even do much research on it.
Speaker A:But yeah, there's something to be said about doing the things that scare you, that just absolutely scare you.
Speaker A:Those are the things where you get to meet yourself the most, and those are the things that will help you evolve the most.
Speaker A:And it's so nice being single that we are, again, in a sense, cornered with almost having to do some of that stuff.
Speaker A:Well, we don't have to do it.
Speaker A:And like, for me, again, I've been single on and off for so long and I still.
Speaker A:This is the first time I'm doing something like this, and I wish I had done it sooner.
Speaker A:I wish I had put myself out there like that a lot sooner.
Speaker A:And not to talk shit about those marrieds, but it's like all the time they'd be like, oh, yeah, go put yourself out there.
Speaker A:And what I now consider putting myself out there is actually creating and starting things not the way that they believe putting yourself out there is.
Speaker A:I think what they believe is put yourself out there, as in go out and you know, smile at men that I'm interested in.
Speaker A:But what I've come to realize is putting yourself out there while being single means using, you know, creating art.
Speaker A:It's being creative.
Speaker A:It's going out and drawing some stuff, doing fun classes that allow you to be creative.
Speaker A:You know, maybe some painting classes or just joining, joining meetup groups, joining clubs.
Speaker A:And I think that's really what putting yourself out there means.
Speaker A:And again, the marriage will tell you to do it, but they never tell you how to do it.
Speaker A:And they really just mean go to a bar, sit at a bar and try to meet somebody that way.
Speaker A:And that's not a feasible way to meet that many cool people because usually all you do is then meet just drinkers who don't really have any other cool hobbies besides sitting at a bar and drinking.
Speaker A:And I'm not trying to talk down on people who drink.
Speaker A:Not, you know, it's.
Speaker A:It's fine if you're at a bar and you're having drinks.
Speaker A:It's also totally fine.
Speaker A:You know, we all live different lives, but I. I know for me, what's more important is going out in the world and just creating things and putting your ideas out there.
Speaker A:And this way, because you're already going out there and creating, you're already being creative.
Speaker A:The people that you meet are also going to be the creatives.
Speaker A:So the community that you end up building is going to be.
Speaker A:Is going to be more on the same level as where you are in your life.
Speaker A:And it's going to be people who also do cool things so you can do cool things together.
Speaker A:But yeah, so even if it's awkward at first, just put yourself out there and.
Speaker A:But yeah, even if it feels awkward at first, even if it scares you, just go do the thing.
Speaker A:And never again will I wait and sit around for other people, especially current people who maybe aren't reaching out to me, who aren't really taking the steps to keep our relationship romantic or platonic going.
Speaker A:As much as I wanted to go, I'm never gonna keep just waiting around.
Speaker A:I'm gonna go out there and gonna.
Speaker A:And I'm gonna start my own things.
Speaker A:Like, if I want community, I'm gonna go out there and make it happen myself.
Speaker A:Even if it means just me starting with one other person.
Speaker A:Like it was when I first started my walking club.
Speaker A:It was the first Sunday it happened.
Speaker A:It was just me and this one guy, Raid, two hours.
Speaker A:We did our walk.
Speaker A:We got coffee afterwards.
Speaker A:I had such a good time with him.
Speaker A:He actually told me about A super cool person who's a podcast or who I listened to a few episodes of really good podcast actually, but that was the original single and social walking club out in Naperville, Illinois and never again.
Speaker A:We also think that I'm too busy to like meet other people.
Speaker A:Like I have the time.
Speaker A:We make time for what matters and connection matters.
Speaker A:If you're feeling this episode so far, please take a moment and share it with another single friend of yours who you believe might also benefit from it.
Speaker A:I appreciate you being here and listening and I also appreciate you sharing.
Speaker A:It helps more singles find this podcast and keep growing our little community here.
Speaker A:Okay, so you're not to self today.
Speaker A:So take out a note, write it in your phone, say it out loud, whatever works for you.
Speaker A:But basically what's one hobby activity or group that you've been thinking about doing or joining but you haven't because you've just been waiting for somebody else to do it with you.
Speaker A:So just think about it, write it down so that maybe you, you actually go out and make it happen.
Speaker A:And now it's time to shake it off.
Speaker A:We're going to dance for about a minute.
Speaker A:So feel free to either dance with me right now and then think back on the note to self and do it later or pause the episode, do the note to self and then dance with me.
Speaker A:As you already know, and I will say this every single episode that I don't forget to say it, but I do believe that everybody should dance every day.
Speaker A:So we're going to dance.
Speaker A:Sam Foreign back to our note to self for me, usually when I go on solo trips I like to either take an Uber someplace or more often than not I prefer to go places where there's public transportation so I can a save money.
Speaker A:Because obviously I'm a single person living in a single person's income and you know, quite often it just gets me to where I got to go anyhow.
Speaker A:But I really, really dislike driving other people's cars.
Speaker A:Like that's just a thing that I just really dislike.
Speaker A:So whether it be like a rental car or you know, friend's car, family members car, I just only like driving my own car.
Speaker A:But there's a couple of states that I really do want to visit and that I want to go see and I want to make them solo trips and I will have to drive to the places that I want to get to within those states.
Speaker A:So the next trip I am going to be planning is going to be one where I actually have to get in and drive a rental car by myself because I do want to do those things by myself.
Speaker A:So that's mine.
Speaker A:If this episode inspired you, if you could please take a moment right now and rate and review it.
Speaker A:I know depends on where you're listening.
Speaker A:Apple allows you to rate and review.
Speaker A:I know Spotify only allows you to rate, and I'm not very well versed in all the other podcast players, but whatever you're able to do, I really appreciate if you could rate it or review it or do both if it lets you so here's your weekly Glow Up Challenge.
Speaker A:So every day this week, if you could just take one step towards building more of a community.
Speaker A:And it could be, you know, maybe one day you sign up for meetups or get an account.
Speaker A:Another day you scroll through the Meetup app and you kind of take a look at some of the groups you might be interested in.
Speaker A:Maybe another day you actually join a couple of the groups.
Speaker A:Maybe another one of the days you RSVP to one of those groups to one of their events.
Speaker A:And then maybe another day you actually go and join that event.
Speaker A:If you don't want to go as far as that goes, maybe just send a message to a friend that you haven't spoken to for a while and rebuild that connection.
Speaker A:Maybe start your own group someplace.
Speaker A:But basically just give yourself proof that you are able to build more of a community for yourself.
Speaker A:You don't have to just sit back and be the observer of other communities.
Speaker A:You can also join communities.
Speaker A:Okay, that's it for today.
Speaker A:It was so nice to speak with you again and thanks for tuning in and I will talk to you next Tuesday.
Speaker A:And just remember, even if we're late, whether it be building our communities, learning things about ourselves or our lives, or, you know, finding our partner, whatever it is, even if we're late, we're right on time.
Speaker A:This is your space, your era, and your community.
Speaker A:Next Tuesday, Sam.
