Bars, Apps, and Singles Mixers | Where Can Singles Meet Other Singles? | Episode 49

Speaker A: 00:00:02

Where are we single people supposed to meet other single people? Welcome back to All About Being Single. I'm your host, Wioleta. Or welcome, if you're new here.

And this is the podcast where we talk about the highs, the lows, and just everything in between when it comes to navigating life on your own. So today's episode, I want to talk about what I think a lot of single people quietly, or sometimes not quietly, struggle with.

Especially nowadays with, you know, all of us being, like, on our phones constantly, like, where are we supposed to actually meet each other? And I don't think it's just hard to date. I think it's just hard in general to even meet other single people. Unless you're, like, going to bars.

I mean, even then, honestly, sometimes, you know, a lot of non single people are at the bars. But it just seems like, like I last year I wasn't out drinking and I wasn't out going to bars, and I literally did not meet a single person.

And the last few weeks I have gone out by myself and sat at a bar and boom, there's single people. But again, it's people who are, like, out and about and drinking and just not people I necessarily want to be meeting either.

Some of them are just, like, out of the bar every night drinking. So obviously not people I want to be meeting.

But anyhow, like everyone says, you know, you're gonna meet someone when you're least expecting it or just get out there. But, like, where are we supposed to be getting out to?

Because I think that once you're out of school, when you're working full time and your friends are mostly coupled up, it starts feeling like there really aren't that many opportunities left to meet single people. I truly think that one of the biggest challenges of being single isn't being single itself.

It's that meeting other singles feels incredibly difficult. And, you know, a lot of the people that we have in our lives, especially as we get older into like our 30s people, are mainly with their families.

So even your friends really are in, like, a whole different chapter of their lives.

And even for the single people, like, most people spend their weekdays at work, you know, maybe go to the gym with headphones on, maybe run errands, maybe, you know, then go home usually and just kind of rinse and repeat. And, you know, when the weekend comes around, where do people go?

I feel like it's usually bars or maybe even like people's houses, you know, the coupled at people's houses where there's no single people there. Usually besides, like, you and maybe one other person probably that you're not interested in.

And again, there's really nothing wrong with, like, bars. Sometimes I go to them too, but I just don't think that they work well for everyone.

Like I said before, you know, like, I don't really want to meet somebody who is out at a bar very often.

Like, yesterday I was actually out trying to find more places to hold singles events at, and I went to this one brewery where I am going to host a singles event, hopefully. But, you know, the dude that I was at, like, that was at the bar, super nice.

We ended up, like, just talking and, you know, he was telling me about a relationship where, like, the last person he dated, he, like, wasn't constantly texting back and whatever. I'm not even gonna talk about fully about that.

But then he was mentioning how he basically goes to work and then goes and hangs out with his friends at the bar all the time. And it's like, well, yeah, no wonder this person doesn't want to date you. Like, it's just. There's not much of substance there, I feel like.

And if you're constantly out of the bar, what are your intentions, really? But so, yeah, I feel like, you know, maybe bars are in a good way for you to meet people. If you don't drink much, maybe the music is too loud.

Maybe people are there with big groups and you don't really want to be approached or you don't want to approach. Maybe you're trying to figure out who's actually single and who's just out with friends.

It just almost feels like bars have become the default place to meet people. Besides dating apps, of course. But, yeah, with the bars. Not because they're great at it, but because we haven't really created many alternatives.

And sometimes you do meet people. And next episode, I'll talk about a disappointing couple of times when I've been out recently. So again, stay tuned for next episode. So next Tuesday.

But I feel like I hardly ever meet people because, again, I don't really go to bars often. So the only times I really meet single men is when I go out to the bars. And, like I said, not often.

So it's these moments that are just so rare that when they happen and I meet somebody, you know, it kind of stand out and it sucks when something just doesn't work out. And so I just think that we've accidentally made dating and even finding other single friends harder than it needs to be.

People are nervous to approach other people. Don't want to interrupt someone everyone's worried about coming across as creepy again. Dating apps are exhausting.

Bars aren't ideal, but somehow that's just about like one of the very few places to actually meet people. Workplace dating is often discouraged, so we're kind of left asking, like, where exactly are single people supposed to find each other?

And the hill I'll die on is that we need more places where meeting other singles is the purpose. And also not only places where alcohol is involved. Like, nothing wrong with it if you drink, but obviously it's.

It's nice to also have more like activities and just fun things that aren't just sitting at a bar.

But we need more places again, other than the dating apps, cuz again the dating apps, but more places with actual activities, genuine activities where people can actually interact.

So walking groups or game nights or trivia scavenger hunts, coffee meetups, volunteer events, you know, places where conversation happens naturally because attraction usually starts with interaction in person, not just looking at somebody's picture. Here's the thing though, and normally my no lack to stand on is about the marrieds.

But if someone complains that dating is impossible, but never leaves the house, you know, never tries new activities, never starts conversations, and expects everything to happen magically or through an app, they don't really have much of a lag to stand on. So I do think that meeting people does take effort from all of us. Like it's.

We do need to take our lives, our dating lives, or our friendships and, you know, hold ourselves accountable in if we're not meeting people, maybe switching activities that we're engaging in or just trying to be out and about more often or sometimes, unfortunately, going to a bar.

I think that I'm very passionate about hosting these singles events and creating events for singles because I think while not every event might lead to love, I think every event creates the possibility of a conversation that, that otherwise never would have happened. Maybe a start of a friendship.

Maybe you meet somebody who is also single who wants to go out more and meet other people that you can hang out with, you know, so it creates more opportunities for you to actually be out and about. Especially if you're one of those people that doesn't want to do things by themselves. And I do a lot of stuff by myself, but sometimes it sucks.

Sometimes I want to do more things with other single people or people who, you know, have the time and availability and they're just not there. So, like, I know I have to do a better job at also joining more meetup groups myself.

Because, yeah, at the end of the day, like, we can't keep saying, oh, my God, I don't have any friends who are single, or, oh my God, there's nobody that I can date when we're not really putting ourselves out there. So, you know, I dance every day. So we're gonna do a little break. So dance with me if you want to. Normally, I do a little note to self reflection.

So the note to self reflection for you today is what are some activities that maybe you've been wanting to try out or some meetup groups or whatever the case might be that you think might be conducive to you meeting more people?

Just think about your answer and either dance with me if you're able to, or just jot down your answer, you know, just to kind of get your head thinking about what it is that you can start doing to meet more people if that's what you're interested in. Sam. Okay, we're back. So we are gonna go dive straight into the glow up.

So your glow up this week is to sign up for whatever activity it is that you think you would want to try out.

So whatever you thought about in your note to self segment, just sign up for something or, you know, go take yourself out on a solo date someplace where you think singles might be.

You know, if you're a little nervous of going, maybe go during like the week where it's not as many people so there's more of a chance of you to actually, you know, talk to somebody at the bar.

And then when you're there, whatever activity is that you end up doing, maybe a meetup group, hiking, group walking, club, running club, whatever it might be, just try to actually talk to somebody. So at the very least, you glow up this week is figure out what it is you're gonna do this week. And just if you're able to as well, that's a bonus.

Actually go do the thing and try to talk to at least one person. As always, even if we're late, we're right on time.

If this episode made you think, please send it to another single friend who's wondering the exact same thing. Where are we supposed to meet people?

Also, if you have any stories about a funny, awkward, or unexpected the way someone tried to meet you or that you met somebody, I'd love to hear it. Go to allabout being single.com and send in a voice note. Thanks so much for listening and. And I will talk to you next Tuesday, Sam.